The Cheesecake Factory in Union Square will always hold a special place in Earl Abad’s heart.
Not for its warm ambiance or rooftop views, nor its rich desserts or hearty meals. Rather, it was the place where he and his wife Monica would go to treat themselves when they were able to save a little extra money. After their daughter Micah was born, it became a cherished family tradition filled with laughter and conversation.
It has been five years since the three of them went there together for a meal, right before Monica began her years-long battle with stomach cancer. She died in December, 2023 at 57 years old, and Abad said that his memories of those family dinners at the Union Square restaurant remain some of his most treasured.
“But it’s like I’ve got to move on. I cannot bring dead people back. … Nothing’s going to happen to me and my daughter if I’m grieving all day, every day.”
He and his daughter haven’t been back since Monica’s death, though Abad said that sometimes he passes it on his way to Chinatown.
“When I look up, I remember,” he said.
Abad, 55, works part-time as an event coordinator and housekeeper at the Moscone Center, a few blocks away from Union Square. Monica’s death not only left him and his daughter devastated, but also without a second source of income from her job with In-Home Supportive Services.
“I’m not going to lie, I still think about her,” Abad said. “But it’s like I’ve got to move on. I cannot bring dead people back. … Nothing’s going to happen to me and my daughter if I’m grieving all day, every day.”
Abad immigrated to San Francisco in 1989 from Manila, and met Monica through his brother in 2010. The two had been together for a total of 18 years and married for two.
“Inside and out, she’s beautiful,” he said of his late wife. “Maybe she’s up there in heaven now with Jesus.”
Abad explained that Monica was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2008, but made a full recovery after getting an operation. Her second bout with cancer was different. She developed stomach cancer in 2020, but her family didn’t find out about it until months before her death.
“She never told us,” Abad said. “She told the doctor, but she kept it (from) us.”
By mid-2023, she was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time as the cancer spread. Abad had to quit his second job as a dishwasher at the InterContinental hotel to care for Micah as Monica’s conditions worsened. His older daughter Jazhel, who is from his first marriage, also helped care for Michah during this time, and the two have developed a strong bond over the years.
“She faced her death by herself,” Abad said of his late wife. “I cannot believe she took that pain.”
In 2020, Abad first noticed how immunocompromised Monica was when they all caught COVID-19. Abad recalls that while he and his daughter barely had any symptoms, Monica ended up in the Intensive Care Unit for six days.
“I want to be an example to her that I could manage. I get up again. I fall down, but I get up.”
She recovered and life went on as usual. But Monica found herself in and out of the hospital more frequently, and other signs began to surface that something was amiss.
“She always missed work and then she was losing weight, always got sick and then her skin discoloration,” he said. “So I got a suspicion that she was sick, but when I asked her she said, ‘Nothing, don’t worry about it.’”
Monica had to stop working in December 2023, a few weeks before she died, due to the pain she was experiencing. Without his wife’s extra stream of income, Abad struggled to cover rent and household costs for himself and his daughter on his part-time salary.
“I always save for emergencies,” Abad said, noting that he drained his savings account before searching for other means of financial help. He found out about the Chronicle Season of Sharing Fund from Silay Kintanar, his case worker at the Akbay program, a service of the South of Market Community Action Network. Season of Sharing was able to cover three months of back rent for Abad as he continued his search for a full-time job.
Kintanar is one of many from the organization who has been working with Abad and his family since the early pandemic, providing financial assistance and support.
“They’re like family to us,” she said. “It was a surprise for me to find out that his wife was in the hospital. I knew there was some kind of illness, but I didn’t know the severity of it. We were all actually taken aback in our organization.”
Kintanar noted that the organization will continue helping Abad as he adjusts to this new normal.
“My daughter is still grieving until now, but I’m over it because I cannot do anything if I grieve all day in the house,” Abad said. “I want to be an example to her that I could manage. I get up again. I fall down, but I get up.”
A sophomore at Galileo Academy of Science & Technology in Fort Mason, Micah has remained focused on her studies through this difficult time, something that Abad said he is proud of.
“I told her don’t stop going to school,” he said, adding that she has been going to therapy to help cope with the loss of her mother. “Right now it’s like one day at a time. I think she’s realizing that mom’s not coming back.”
Though he has lived in San Francisco for more than 30 years, Abad said that after everything the two of them have been through, he’s ready for a fresh start. His mother and two sisters live in San Diego, and the beach city has been on his mind a lot.
“I’m trying to move there, but my daughter doesn’t want to come with me,” he said, admitting that he is ready for a safer, calmer environment.
He said that he’ll continue trying to convince Micah, but for now, is also focusing on spending quality time with her. The two have a special bond, though different from the one she had with her mother, he pointed out.
With the Cheesecake Factory in Union Square facing possible closure in the new year, Abad said that he’d like to have one last meal there with her for old time’s sake.
“I don’t want her to think about the memories we had over there, maybe she might get a little in tears,” he said. “But I might ask if she wants to, just (as a) farewell to that place.”
Reach Zara Irshad: zara.irshad@sfchronicle.com
Photos by: Jessica Christian/The Chronicle
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